Dating in Your 30s, 40s, and Beyond
I never expected to be single again, but here I am. I have considered online dating, but the stories that I’ve heard are far from positive. Are there any other dating options? I wonder, do I even want a committed relationship? Where do I go from here?
Give Yourself Time
Many women, especially those of us in our 30s, 40s, and beyond, are inclined to take care of others before taking care of ourselves. This leads us to not recognize our own busyness and stress. The effect of our dedication to caregiving is not only stressful, but we tend to forget our own needs and wants, and we end up in survival mode – doing whatever comes next without deep thought. When we finally recognize that we are in a much-needed break from a relationship or a commitment, we often do not know what to do with ourselves. We ask, what do I do now? What do I really want in life? Dating or committing to a new relationship can be confusing at this point.
First things first…it is time to pamper yourself. It is time to give yourself grace. Get into self-care. Destress. Talk with yourself. Journal, pray or meditate. Gift yourself the peace and time that it takes to learn who you are and what you want.
Determining What You Really Want
The healthy decisions that we make in everyday life should be based on some core elements, but we first must identify what those pieces are. Consider getting your thoughts onto pen and paper. Journaling is a therapeutic way to reflect and process through it all.
Here are some questions that can get you started:
1. What makes you happy?
What brings absolute joy into your life? This isn’t about momentary happiness – the emotion that might lead you to jump up and down in a state of elation. Happiness is found in the feeling that you are serving a purpose in life, and how you feel fulfilled. What external and internal factors make you feel that your soul is at peace?
2. What are your needs?
What are your emotional, financial, or physical needs? What makes you feel secure in life? If you do not feel secure, what is missing? What boundaries are necessary for you to protect your time and self? What must happen to help you feel fulfilled?
3. What are my personal values?
Values are the principles by which we lead our lives. Values are not goals. Values include elements such as honesty, integrity, family, freedom, loyalty, friendship, kindness, wisdom, and responsibility. Select five core values that you cannot live without. The purpose of answering these questions is not only to determine what you really want in life but to use your answers as a guide to ensure that your daily actions create happiness and meet your needs and goals.
These answers can also help you determine if you want to date, or if you want a committed relationship, and what expectations, limits, or boundaries you must set to make it work for you.
Ways to Meet People and Date
Online dating isn’t for everyone. Meeting new people in person, especially those that share similar interests and values with you, can open the door and usher positive dating into your life. You can always meet new people at a coffee shop or a bar, but there are many more options.
Here are some ways to meet people (and create opportunities for dates and new relationships):
- Friends setting you up for a date (or a hangout to make new friendships)
- Gym or exercise class
- Network events for your career or business
- Meetups (meetings for singles specifically, or for special interests)
- Classes that are fun (hobby-related) or educational
- Volunteer groups (form up a group for specific activities and goals with friends, family, or acquaintances)
- Charity work
- Non-internet group (i.e., hiking, swimming, community programs, etc.)
- Singles events hosted by churches or other religious communities
Remember to change up your routine to meet new people. What you have done, the places where you have gone, and the people that you may have known for many years, might not be the most fertile ground for finding a date. Be open to trying new things in life.
Are you facing the fear of the unknown? How to Overcome the Fear of Starting Over Later in Life
Take Care of You First
The answer to the question to date (or to get into a committed relationship), or not, is dependent on you taking care of yourself first. Know who you are…know what your values are…and then set your goals and your boundaries. Make a dating checklist if you do decide to date. What will you accept, and what will you not? As you focus on being wholly you, and destressing, we hope you include massage into your self-care routine.
The benefits of massage include relaxation, pain relief, and so much more!
We want you to feel good today!
Sage Blossom is your piece of peace in Austin, TX today!
